A Recipe for Change
As a teacher I often wondered - What is it about young children that motivates them to try new things and to be brave in the classroom setting? I had the privilege of witnessing transformation and progress right before my eyes daily for 27 years. Sometimes the change was something seemingly small like scissor mastery and other times it was a little bigger like reading their first whole chapter book. As we get older sometimes embracing change or opportunity does not come quite as easily. It feels too risky - What if I fail? It seems like it will require something of us that we just don’t have - I’m not that brave. It leaves us concluding that what we desire is just not worth the effort - I don’t have the time, I’m not smart enough.
My observations of human behaviour, young and old, have led me to believe that there are a few key ingredients necessary for meaningful change to take place. These ingredients are crucial for success in the classroom but are also just as important for those of us who have been around a little longer. Firstly, a belief that transformation is possible. Secondly, plenty of genuine encouragement on the way. And lastly, but equally important, recognition and celebration that change has taken place.
Sometimes the belief that something new is possible comes from within ourselves, it’s a small voice that whispers, “You can do this…”. It’s almost a ‘knowing’ that you are made for this, that a step out of where you are now can no longer stay a recurring thought, but something you must take action on. Other times it’s the belief of others in us that ignites the spark and confidence for us to commit to something new. This is as true of learning to write our names as it is in studying for a new career, writing the first words of a dreamed-of novel or committing to speaking to ourselves more kindly. All change starts with a belief that it is actually possible.
We all need encouragers, people who speak positively into and over our lives and help us to keep going when we would rather not. Sincere encouragement can take many forms - kindly spoken words, a smile, a thumbs up or a “keep going” text message. Positive feedback builds confidence and momentum when it is genuine and specific, but we can only expect encouragement with our dreams when we share them with others. In a world that values success and winning it can feel risky to share our first steps towards something new. What if I fail? What if it’s too hard? What if I tell people and then I can’t do it? Choose the cheerleaders in your life wisely, tell a select few and remember that they too have dreams they would like to step into if only they had someone to encourage them.
The progress in the students I taught was unmissable but as an adult change can be a little trickier to pinpoint. Sometimes it's hard to be aware of transformation in our life as we’re actually living it. It can be easy to have our eyes constantly on the horizon, to always orient ourselves towards the future, but that’s not where the real change takes place. It is only by intentionally looking back that we can see our progress along the way. Time spent reflecting on our steps, and even our missteps helps us to see and celebrate the growth that has already taken place. The act of celebrating our steps, even the small ones, is not to be underestimated. By acknowledging and celebrating our progress we build our confidence and our risk-taking muscles.
Beginning something new and embracing a change of any sort will almost always feel a curious combination of uncomfortable, exciting and a little bit scary. As you consider your next steps towards your future, consider these questions:
When you think of your future what do you believe is possible? In your ideal world, what would you try or explore? What changes do you want to make in your life? This is your opportunity to dream big and wide with your eyes on the future, not your past.
Who are your cheerleaders? Who are the people who get you, love you and want the very best for you? Who speaks words of encouragement over you now? Who can you dare to share your dreams with and ask to support you as you take your first shaky steps? If you can’t think of anyone, think about who would you like to share your dreams with. Who can you be an encourager for? They just might end up encouraging you!
How are you going to take notice of your own transformation and celebrate your successes? This can look different for different people - conversations with friends, charting milestones towards your dream, or taking time to mentally review your progress. I’m a big fan of the practice of reflective journaling. It is a great way of identifying our little leaps towards much bigger goals. Re-reading and reflecting on our own written words is incredibly powerful. On the days when we feel like we’ve “got this” and on the days when we’d rather go back to bed, our own words can be the best encouragement we have. One last thing - always remember to CELEBRATE! It is so easy to achieve or conquer really important things and never take even a moment to say to ourselves “Well done me!”, “You’ve worked so hard for this and look at the transformation that has taken place!” You and your every little step are worth acknowledging and making a big deal about.
The most lasting changes in my life have always taken time. I’ve noticed that real transformation seldom takes place as one big event, but rather through the small incremental steps that we take every day. Is it easy? - definitely not! Is it worth it? - 100%!
Individual one-on-one coaching provides my clients with the space and time to identify what they want for their lives and how they are going to best move forward. If you are interested in real and sustainable transformation, coaching could be a great next step for you.