Conversations with your inner critic

We all have it - that voice that sometimes whispers and constantly questions: Are you sure? Is it safe? Do you really think you can do this? It’s designed to keep us from harm, disappointment and embarrassment. It’s commonly known as our inner critic.

I have to say, our inner critics get a bad rap as the inevitable bad guys in our minds. I'm not entirely convinced they deserve this reputation. After all, they play a crucial role in protecting us, even if sometimes they do their job far too well!

If your reaction to that voice of doubt and criticism is to shut it down, you will know that this strategy rarely works. Maybe it's time to try something different and to engage in a friendly conversation with your inner critic instead.

Most of us know that our inner critic likes to play it safe and avoid risk, but we often don’t understand why. To gain insight into my inner critic's motives, I ask one simple question: Are you trying to protect me, or are you trying to take me captive? This question helps me quickly understand my own hesitations and what is motivating my response.

“Is your inner critic keeping you safe or taking you captive?”

When my inner critic is protecting me (and yes, my inner voice has a decidedly masculine tone!), he asks questions that prompt me to examine what needs safeguarding—whether it's my resources, my time, my energy, or my mental load.

However, I’ve learned to recognise when my inner critic shifts from protection mode to capture mode. In this state, his questions remind me of past failures, limit my ability to dream, downplay and undervalue my skillset, and undermine my hope that I can change my circumstances. In short, these questions make me feel imprisoned and held captive by my own thoughts.

When I feel trapped by my inner critic's influence, rather than arguing against his criticisms, I acknowledge his care and concern. Then, I reassure him that I can manage on my own from here. Once I've identified what truly requires protection, I can move forward with confidence, step out of my comfort zone, and liberate myself from feeling stuck.

Maybe it's time you started a conversation with your inner critic too?